May 2012
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BRIEFLY
A Most Uncooperative Witness:
The following transcript speaks for itself. It is from an English court where Arnold Chrysler was on trial for stealing 40,000 coat hangers at hotels around the world.
Counsel: What is your name?
Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.
Counsel: Is that your own name?
Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?
Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.
Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?
Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court.
Chrysler: Which court?
Counsel: This court.
Chrysler: What is the name of this court?
Counsel: This is No 5 Court.
Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?
Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!
Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name.
Judge: I think Mr. Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you.
Counsel: Thank you, m'lud.
Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m'lud. It's nice to be appreciated.
Judge: Shut up, witness.
Chrysler: Willingly, m'lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would...
Judge: Shut up, witness.
Counsel: Now, Mr. Chrysler - for let us assume that that is your name - you are accused of purloining in excess of 40,000 hotel coat hangers.
Chrysler: I am.
Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?
Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up.
Counsel: Is that true?
Chrysler: No.
Counsel: Then why did you say it?
Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance.
Counsel: Off balance?
Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister.
Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions.
Chrysler: Was that a question?
Counsel: No.
Chrysler: Then I can't answer it.
Counsel: Mr. Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?
Chrysler: Is that a question?
Counsel: Yes.
Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know - "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers... Perhaps I won't... Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead..."
Counsel: Mr. Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel wardrobes?
Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed to take nothing but hotel coat hangers.
Lawyer Imposter Exposed:
Jonathan David Ghertler of New York was found guilty of fraud for impersonated partners at six large law firms. He was sentenced to serve 6 years and told by the judge "not to assume the identity of any other person." Ghertler was found guilty of mail and wire fraud charges as a result of a scheme to steal money from six of New York and Washington's biggest law firms. He would call up the firms, identify himself as a partner from another office and give instructions to wire-transfer money to a bank account of a bogus law firm as compensation to co-counsel and expert witnesses.
Law Students Owe a Debt:
A recent survey found that two-thirds of today's law school graduates must go into private practice because they cannot afford to take lower-paying public interest jobs. The survey was conducted by the Partnership for Public Service, Equal Justice Works and the National Association for Law Placement. The survey also found that 94 percent of law students borrow money for tuition and it takes, on the average, ten years for them to repay student loans. Part of the problem, the study found, is that law school tuitions have increased by 76 percent at private law schools during the last decade.
TRIVIAL
In the 1640s, Virginian, then a colony, established a fee schedule for attorneys. Instead of currency, what did clients use to pay their lawyers?
(answer following Footnote below)
HEARSAY
"The Coneheads started as the Pinhead Lawyers of France. I had been looking at TV - I guess I'd smoked a 'J' or something - and I thought, 'Everybody's heads don't really reach the top of the screen. Wouldn't it be great if you added four inches to everybody?' So I drew up this design. Ad we would be the Pinhead Lawyers of France. But then people were afraid that we'd be disparaging encephalitic people or retarded people with that, so we changed it to the Coneheads."
--Dan Aykroyd in the book Live from New York
FOOTNOTE
Florida officials refused to qualify a 5-year-old border collie mix named Percy to run against Secretary of State Katherine Harris in her bid for a seat in Congress. As a result, the dog's owner has attempted to qualify as a candidate. Rendered useless by the ruling were campaign flyers for the dog with such slogans as "Never made a mess in the House! Never will!" and "PERCY! Putting the LICK back into Republican."
Trivia Answer: Tobacco.
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